My solution to stop bogus racially motivated police reports

So some chick in Michigan embezzled from the Post Office where she worked and made a 911 call all about how a brownish guy with an accent and FUBU robbed the post office, snuck a peek at her boobies and ran off. The prompted a manhunt and she was found to have made the whole thing up.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/22573640/detail.html

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Personally she would ahve been smarter to say it was some guy who looked like everyone else there because everyone else knew there were no FUBU wearing brothas anywhere near that town.

This sort of stuff isn't new but I'm getting real tired of it and I have some solutions for us, my Black People. Hispanics/Latinos may feel free to adopt these rules. People of other races/cultures and political leanings can rent the DVD and take what you like.

Step 1: Black people need to just up and stop committing armed robbery. Period.

If it could be established that there wa sa period of time in which no armed robberies were committed by us, then the next person that comes along and screams, "a black guy stole my _____ and then he made me take off my pants and wear this fraternity hat and sweatshirt and drink all that hooch", we could be like, umm...dude, didn't you get the memo? Blacks just don't do robbery.

Then they can go to interview people:

Reporter: "We spoke to Mr. Jerwood Dinkins of W. 63rd st. and he had this to say..."

Mr. Dinkins: "Yeah we heard all about that robbery mess but hell after Obama made it through a year in office and no one came and formed a human chain to keep him from getting to work, that we should give give that up. Folks use to knock you in the head all the time but now it's past time to get our shit together so much that we make for bad racial profiling."

Reporter: "It just seems unlikely. Robbery is such a staple of a crime.."

Dinkins: "Sure it is but so was stealing horses once upon a time. Now horse thieving is better left to fiction and so is armed robbery."

See? Problem solved.

I have other solutions too but we'll go one step at a time.

I mean this chick in Michigan was stealing from the USPS wasn't she? Who the hell believes that a brotha in FUBU is going to steal stamps anyway. She would have been better off saying the following:

"He came in and was kinda white, middle aged, had nicely trimmed nails and sounded somewhat responsible if not a little bit socially challenged. From his voice I could surmise that he wad an underinflated ego and sense of self worth. His shoes were brown and comfortable. He has a ski mask but I bet he had a comb over."

She could have described a cross between Steve Carrell and Dana Carvey and the manhunt could have lasted YEARS. They'd make an episode of Criminal Minds all about it.

But nooooo, she has to go and make it sound like black people are so desperate to mail bills that we'll rip you off for stamps and take the cash too.

America, we CAN move forward!

Thank you.

I'm BACK!!!

Generally because I've given up drinking for Lent (no I'm not Catholic) and people keep saying and doing things that I would like to comment upon in a way that the number of characters allotted on Twitter just can't do justice.

Spa treatments for AIG...Really???

Well you know...It's hard taking 85 Billion from taxpayers. The Man needs a massage and a quick pedi before hittin the links and shit.

Where's that face puncher guy?

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iCBEplezRU4MUlI3wKRd0IZ9GCgQD93M2CP00

Unorthodox Economic Revenge

It's either that or street justice. Take your pick.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/3150319/Richard-Fuld-punched-in-face-in-Lehman-Brothers-gym.html

They Even Got Don Cheadle

So we all know what happens when a Brotha is cast in some critical role in an Action or Sci Fi film. He either becomes the Sacrificial Negro or the Magical Negro. Technically this can happen to a Black man even when he's not in movies but I saw the new Don Cheadle joint, "Traitor" last night and I have to tell you that we need a new category.

We need a category that encapsulates when the US Government needs a Brotha to go into hostile territory, do some crazy stuff with his life all on the line and then jerks him around while he does it.

I'm not spoiling the movie for you because you aren't going to see the movie anyway.

Here's the trailer that will make you want to see the shit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmM4bo96cI8

So yeah from this trailer, I thought I was gonna see some really cool movie along the lines of the Fugitive but with my guy Don Cheadle in the leading role.

Nope... It was more like Showtime's Sleeper Cell: the Movie

So a black man is trained by the US as a Special Forces guy. He converts to Islam because his dearly departed daddy was a Muslim and then this makes him perfect for sending over seas as a spy to infiltrate big time radical, fundie factions of Islam in places like Yemen, Syria and wherever.

Then when he gets into the confidence of the bad guys, he uses his mad army ninja skills to blow stuff up to impress the hell out of Bin Laden and they boys.

This is all well and good except every time Don is anywhere making a big boom, our boys let him down by allowing civilians into the scene to be killed.

Did this ever happen to Tom Cruise? When it happened to Matt Damon it was totally a plot point about his GF getting killed and then he went hunting for that blond chick.

If it was James Bond, he would have had a bystander detector in his watch and gotten everyone out while having sex with a high end fashion designer.

WHITEY LET CHEADLE DOWN!

This sort of stuff happens all throughout this film. Cheadle's CIA handler is killed because he doesn't respect Don enough to let him know when and how to meet with him. He just plants a tracker on my man and shows up, bold as you please, while Don is about to meet with the bad guys.

Does this happen to Clooney? Hell no. Hell even Jennifer Garner and the cats on MI-5 had a series of codes set up for good guy meets.

I've noticed that Jamie Fox and Will Smith are getting deep into the Defenders of Justice sort of Movie roles. If you saw The Kingdom then you know just how much they ran Jamie's ass around before he could solve a crime. I know you didn't see it but Jason Bateman had to catch a bullet because Whitey needed to sacrifice one of their own to teach Jamie a lesson.

Also, when a Brotha is in charge of bringing folks to justice, Whitey will shoot the suspect to death every damn time. I'm not talking about the way that Bond will have to do a double tap to put down the big bad nympo arms dealer with the diamond breasts. Nah, she can't go to jail.

Everyone else gets to catch a guy and let that street cred rise up a bit in the halls of justice. You know, the line is always, "It's over______________" and then the hero wants to kill he guy but he can't because he'd be just like the bad guy.

You know that one.

When a Brotha is down for reading the Miranda rights, some nondescript SWAT guy always has to take out the bad guy with a movie ending bast of glory stealing.

This movie is no different. We need a Brotha to get to Osama but we can't possibly bring Osama in and put his ass in the Box and let them dudes from the Shield work on him for a few hours. Nope.

Cheadle, like most of the Brothas of Justice, has to reason with the bad guy (whom he sees the good in) and then the bad guy does something twitchy and SWAT punches his damn ticket.

Listen, I know White America isn't going to see this movie because Don Cheadle isn't saving little black kids. Yall saw the shit out of Hotel Rwanda. Black America isn't gonna see it because their still trying to figure out if any of these movies have a black cowboy porn star in them.

If Tyler Perry was doing a Don Cheadle movie you'd better believe Cheadle, Mike Epps and Mo'Nique would be the funniest bunch of baptist Postal workers to ever sit and moan around the bed of their dying Grandmother.

Luckily Don Cheadle isn't doing that because Whitey is too busy tricking him into doing a movie called, of all things, Traitor, where my man has to not just compromise his standing with the law but also with Allah of all people.

I won't even get into how many times Guy Pearce is standin around being the ambassador to Islam too while Cheadle is off dodging feds through the projects.

All I know is that this movie would have been different if the lead was played by Bruce Willis. Hollywood would have had him killing terrorists and driving through Yemen in a Ford Mustang.

Don't Trust Whitey

Post Number One

Hello folks,

This is just an initial post to let yall know that Whitey is out there just doin his thing and we need to be on the alert. It's not all that hard. Whitey, AKA The Man, does plenty of what he does straight up in the light of day while you can see him so lets go ahead and call it like we see it.

I promise to do so if you will.